The Adventures of Alec and Robin
by Dark Child of the Vamps
Summary: A story about a girl named Robin and the odd things that happen while she's in Volterra.
1. Chapter 1

The Adventures of Alec and Robin

Ch.1 Alejandro

"Alejan-"

"Stop!"

"Aw, why?"

"Don't say my real name, Robin!"

"Silly, Alec! It's a song by Lady GaGa!" I started dancing around him."You know that I love you boy, hot like Mexico, rejoice!"

"Not you too, Robin! The whole castle is gaga for GaGa!" Just then Aro walked in dressed head to toe in sequins singing Paparazzi followed by Felix and Demitri in equally hideous sequin outfits.

"MY EYES! MY POOR INNOCENT EYES!!!!" I shielded my face with my hands. About ten minutes later I removed my hands from my face only to find that Jane, Heidi, and Sulpicia had shown up wearing inappropriate outfits and everyone started singing Alejandro.

"My word, what is wrong with you people?!" Alec looked absolutely disgusted. I hid behind him.

"Save me Alejandro!"

"Ale-Alejandro!" Demitri sang off-key. I think my ears might be permanently damaged.

Alec picked me up and ran out the doors and outside. Thank heavens it was cloudy today.

"RUN PEOPLE OF VOLTERRA! RUN FROM THE GAGA OBSESSION THAT HAS POISONED THE MIND OF OUR LEADERS!" Alec can scream very loudly... I wonder if he can sing....

Everyone in sight burst out singing Alejandro. Alec looked absolutely terrified. "It's a conspiracy!" A man dressed in all black and missing a hand stepped out of the crowd and walked toward Alec and I.

"That it is my child." He smiled wickedly and pointed a black cylinder at Alec. "Tell me what you know about the Pravus or I'll have them sing Lady GaGa songs until your ears bleed!Oh, and of course I'll destroy you with the Lucis."

"Dude, you're in the wrong place! Aren't you supposed to be messing with that Tod kid?"

"Oh, quite. If you would excuse me..." He walked back into the crowd that was still singing Alejandro.

"YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU BOY, HOT LIKE MEXICO, REJOICE!" Oh, splendid! Demitri decided to join the party.

"Demitri is GAY?"

"That would explain the sequins." Alec frowned at the word sequins.

"NOOOO! HE'S JOINED GREG'S ARMY!"

"Oh, no." Alec pointed toward the crowd of people marching toward us. "Is that the army?" I stared in awe at Greg leading leading the army whilst twirling a baton.

"THEY'VE FOUND ME! SAVE ME ALEJANDRO!"

The crowd surrounded us chanting, "You know that I love you boy, hot like Mexico, rejoice!"


	2. Chapter 2

The Adventures of Alec and Robin

Ch.2 Greg's Army and Skittle Parties

Robin POV

"NOOOOOO!"

"We have come to celebrate! Raise the roof baby!" Greg squealed. "Like totally awesome right?! Sequins and glitter and Lady GaGa for the win!"

"Yeah baby!" One of Greg's, err, soldiers said.

"Yo, yo , yo what up home skillet biscuits?!" Renata stepped out of the castle with grills. Yes, the things that go on your teeth. It was rather scary.

"Eww, like, that girl is talking all funny and stuffs!" Greg shrieked. "Army of All Things Glittery, Sequined, and Lady GaGa retreat!" Greg ran away twirling his baton, half the Volturi following.

"Yo, this is whack. I'm going back into the castle." Renata walked off.

"Don't call my name! Don't call my name, Alejandro!"

"Robin?"

"Yes, Alec?"

"Please don't sing any more Lady GaGa songs."

"Fine." I walked back into the castle which was pretty empty seeing as most everyone left with Greg's army. Caius walked up and slapped me across the face. "What was that for?!"

"I felt like it!" Caius walked away to go be all slap happy somewhere else.

Caius needs anger management classes. Hmm.... I think I shall sign him up for some for his birthday. After all there is no better gift than that of mental health... Hahaha I'm hilarious.

I glanced over at Marcus sitting in the corner. "Marcusssssss!" He didn't look up. "MARCUS!" he turned around and glared at me.

"SHUT UP!!! YOU DON'T GET ME!!!"

Sigh. Poor Marcus in the emo corner. "Cheer up emo kid, life's not that bad!"

"Go be all happy peppy with your skittles somewhere else!!!"

"MARCUS! HOW DARE YOU?! I shall have you know that I eat nerds not skittles."

Giana ran through the door. "Did someone say skittles?!" She looked around frantically.

Caius appeared out of nowhere and slapped Giana. "STOP WITH THE SKITTLES! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!" He then slapped Marcus. "AND WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS EMO CRAP?! GET OVER IT!" He then slapped me... And I slapped him back.... Then he slapped me, and I slapped him back. This continued until Greg walked in screaming something about peace and love and sequins.

"I WANT TO PARTAYYYY!" Aro walked in wearing a bedazzled cloak and platform shoes.

"SKITTLES PARTY!" Giana exclaimed.

"Hale no!"

"Don't EVER say the name of one of those veggie vamps!"

"I JUST DID!"

"Awww, snap!" Aro snapped his fingers in that z shaped way people do.

"Don't make me snap my fingers in a z formation, exclamation, booty rotation! Talk to the hand, talk to the wrist! OOOOOOH GIRL YOU JUST GOT DISSED!"

"THAT HAS TAKEN THE LAST BISCUIT!"

"Is it a skittle flavored biscuit?!"

"ALL YOU CRAP PEOPLE WITH YOUR CRAP OBSESSIONS AND YOUR CRAPGAYISH BEHAVIOR! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!"

"OMZ Robin has lost it!"

"NO I HAVE NOT! YOU ALL HAVE LOST IT! YOU PROBABLY NEVER HAD IT! I REFUSE TO PUT UP WITH YOUR INSANITY ANY LONGER!"

"Aw, Rob baby don't be like that!"

"SHUT UP GREGORY!"

"I WANT SKITTLES! I WANT TO THROW A SKITTLES PARTY! PARTYYYYYYY!"

And that is how everyone got locked up in the dungeon and threw a skittles party while I, Robin, the only sane one sat up here and complained about crap people with crap obsessions who behave like childish children.


	3. Chapter 3

The Adventures of Alec and Robin

Ch.3 Do NOT Take with Alcohol

Robin POV

It's the day after I locked everyone in dungeon and I am still deciding whether or not I should let them out. I believe the skittles party died about three hours ago.

"GO GIANA, GO GIANA, GO GIANA!" Or not. I walked down to the dungeon and opened the door a bit. Giana had decided at some point that it would be cool to sneak alcohol out of some cellar I knew nothing about and was now chugging a bottle of vodka. It seemed that everyone was drunk, and having a mighty good time in the crowded dungeon.

"GET HERRRRR!" Demetri slurred. It amazes me how vampires found a way to get drunk. I was dragged into the dungeon and the door closed locking us all down there.

"WE'RE ALL LOCKED IN THIS DANG DUNGEON NOW, YOU IDIOTS!"

"Aw, chill out Robinnn! Partay a little! Try some vodka!"

"No, I refuse to try any of the vodka. Get your hands off me and get us out of here!"

"PARTAY POOPER!"

"Lighten up, Rob baby!"

"INSOLENT PEST!"

"YOUR MOTHERRRRR!"

"SHUT YOUR FACE, DEMETRI AND GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"Fabulicious don't you wishes you was cool like, G?!?!?" Giana shouted.

"SHE'S GOT BOTH HANDS IN HERRR POCKETSSSS AND SHE WON'T LOOK AT YOU, WON'T LOOK AT YOUUUUUU!"

"THAT HAS TAKEN THE LAST AND FINAL BISCUIT! GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF ME AND LET ME OUT OF THIS DARNED DUNGEON!"

"SKITTLE FLAVORED BISCUIT!!"

"SHUT UP ABOUT THE DARNED SKITTLES!"

"NEVER!" Giana dropped the empty bottle of vodka to the floor and started dancing.

"YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE THIS FATE, PRAVUS!" Some wacko shouted from outside. Then some dude ran into the dungeon looking scared out of his mind. "YOU SHALL DIE VLADIMIR TOD!"

"YOU FIRE-TRUCKING IDIOT!" I shouted at the kid. "WE ARE ALL FRIGGIN LOCKED IN THIS DANG DUNGEON WITH NO WAY OUT! WHAT THE HALE IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"I'M FREAKING ABOUT TO BE KILLED!"

"I COULDN'T CARE LESS! SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF THIS HALE HOLE!"

"Calm down Robin! This is a party!"

"THIS is a dungeon full of drunken idiots!"

"VERBAL ABUSE!"

"I'll show you abuse!" I slapped everyone in the dungeon. "FRIGGIN IDIOTS!"

Aro then decided it would be a mighty fine idea to mix drugs with alcohol. The result was a bunch of retards passed out on the floor and me sitting in the corner plotting my escape.

A message to all our viewers: Do NOT throw a skittles party, drink alcohol, or get yourself locked in a dungeon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sad isn't it?**

The Adventures of Alec and Robin

Ch.4 SCANDALOUS

Robin POV

I am an evil genius. MAUHAHAHAHA! Yes I have even perfected my evil laugh while sitting in this grimy dungeon.

Sanity: A funny word the men in the white coats that escort you to the padded room question you have.

After everyone passed out I found the alcohol cellar. It turns out they keep jackhammers and massive drills in there. Thank heavens Aro is an idiot. So now all I have to do is tunnel my way out of here.

"OOOH SCANDALOUS!" Giana saw me getting ready to drill through the wall. Darn her for waking up. Shouldn't she be whining about a hangover right now? Darn skittle crazy receptionist.

"SHUT UP, IDIOT!" I whisper-yelled.

"But it's so scandalous!" She danced around singing 'SCANDALOUS' before doubling over in pain screaming "HANGOVER!" I smiled and aimed the drill at the wall.

"SCANDALOUSSSSSSSSSSS! OH SO SCANDALOUS!" Aw, crap.

"ROBIN IS BREAKING OUT!"

"TRAITOR!"

"SCANDAL!"

"POTATO ABE!"

"IM NOT THE PRAVUS! NUUUUUUUUU! NUUUUUUUUU!" We all turned to face the weird kid that screamed.

"What the hale?"

"DON'T SAY THE NAME OF ANY OF THOSE VEGGIE VAMPS!"

"Oh but I did."

"AWW, SNAPPPPP!"

"SCANDALOUSSSSSSSSS!"

"OH SO SCANDALOUS!"

"SKITTLE FLAVORED BISCUIT!"

"HARDCORE SKITTLES PARTYYYYYY!"

"BREAK OUT THE PILLS AND THE VODKA!"

Darn it all to hale. ALL TO HALE.

"SCANDALOUSSSSSSS!"

"THAT HAS TAKEN THE LAST AND FINAL AND OFFICIAL BISCUIT! SHUT THE HALE UP AND GET ME OUT OF HERE! YOU THINK SKITTLE PARTIES AND VODKA AND CRAP BEHAVOIR MAKE YOU LOOK ALL COOL AND MIGHTY FIT BUT THEY DO NOT!"

"Chill out Rob baby! Try some vodka!"

"VODKA SOUNDS A LOT LIKE THE SPANISH WORD FOR COW!"

"OMZ, AWEZUMMMMM!"

"I KNOW RIGHT! WE SHOULD GIVE A SPANISH COW SOME VODKA!"

"YESSSSS!" Demetri grabbed a bottle of vodka and ran through the wall to find a Spanish cow. Everybody but Alec followed.

"Robin?"

"Yesh, Alejandro?"

"I have a hangover."

"SCANDALOUSSSSS!"


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm pretty sure we all know this is Robin POV and shall continue to be. Also I have noticed that this story is missing the adventures of _Alec and _Robin. Next chappy will be Alec and Robin adventureness. **

The Adventures of Alec and Robin

Ch.5 The Last and Final and Official and Skittle Flavored Biscuit

After Demetri made the large hole in the wall it was quite easy to get out of the dungeon. So now here I sit in Alec's chambers. The reason I am in here is quite simple. I'm hiding from all the retards and their cow they brought in from Spain. Giana had the not so bright idea to give a Spanish cow vodka and now the whole castle was a mess of vodka bottles and hay and such.

"HE ATE MY HEART, HE A-A-ATE MY HEART OUT!" Now it seems that Aro has found the old karaoke machine and is singing quite off key. Sigh. My poor ears. Unfortunately most everyone in the castle is a horrible singer. What a shame.

"THAT BOY IS A MONSTERRRRR!"

"SHUT UP IMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER!" I shouted toward the door.

"DON"T BE HATIN!"

"Robin is a haterrrrr."

"Aww, snappppp!"

"Snap, crackle and pop!"

"CEREAL!"

"OMZ I WANT SKITTLE FLAVORED CEREAL!" The idiots I have to deal with. Sigh.

"YES!"

"ROBIN! GIVE US YOUR SKITTLE FLAVORED CEREAL!"

"I DONT HAVE ANY FRIGGIN CEREAL!"

"LIESSS!"

"TRUTHS!"

"GASP! ALECC HAS JOINED THE ROBIN SIDE!"

"I WAS ALWAYS ON THE ROBIN SIDE!"

"OH SO SCANDALOUSSSSS!

"SCANDALOUS!"

"VODKA!"

"SPANISH COW!"

"LET'S GIVE THE SPANISH COW MORE VODKA!" I peeked out the door, scanning for an escape route.

"Err, that's not a possibility."

"NOOOOO! MY COW!" It seems the Cullens thought it a mighty fine idea to waltz into the castle and eat the Spanish cow. They were now staggering around, dizzy from all the vodka the cow had consumed.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALK IN HERE AND EAT OUR SPANISH COW?!"

"GET THEM!" I shut the door. The Cullens were being ripped apart and arms, legs, and such were flying across the room. Sigh. I shall never escape Alec's chambers.

"MY FABULICIOUS COW!!!" Giana sobbed.

"I LOVED THAT COW!"

"OH THE HUMANITY!"

"OH THE VAMPIRACY!"

"Vampiracy?"

"Like humanity but way cooler."

"Ah... OH THE VAMPIRACY!"

"BURN THEM!!! BURNNNNN!" And now the castle reeked like sickly sweet incense. Don't these people know how to treat a guest? And since when does Demetri, of all people, call the shots? Man, these people are whack.

"I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!"

"I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD SHUT THE FIRETRUCK UP!"

"We don't own a firetruck _to _shut up."

"You know what I mean."

"No. I really don't."

"THAT HAS TAKEN THE LAST AND FINAL AND OFFICIAL AND SKITTLE FLAVORED BISCUIT!" I kicked Alec's door down. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS CRAP! ALL YOU CRAPGAYISH PEOPLE ARE GOING TO ANNOY ME INTO AN EARLY GRAVE!"

"I'll sing at your funeral."

"NO, YOU SHALL NOT! NONE OF YOU CRAPGAYISH CHAV IDIOT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SING AT MY FUNERAL, BECAUE YOU CAN'T SING AND QUITE FRANKLY, I HATE YOU ALL!"

"Sob, cry, sob! I thought we had something special!"

"Aww, you is my favorite Alec. ALL YOU OTHER CHAVS SHALL DIE!"

"Harsh."

**Press the review button. You know you want to.**


	6. Chapter 6

The Adventures of Alec and Robin

Ch.6 ...Silence

Robin POV

I is sitting with Alec all sullen-like. All these mental vampires are really pushing my buttons.

"CHICKA CHICKA BOOM BOOM! WILL THERE BE ENOUGH ROOM?"

"What the HALE, Aro?" Hehe. I've taught Alec so well.

Sulpicia of all people then came skipping in singing the same song as Aro. "A TOLD B AND B TOLD C I'LL MEET YOU AT DA TOP OF DA COCONUT TREEEEEE!"

"CHICKA CHICKA BOOM BOOM! WILL THERE BE ENOUGH ROOM?"

"WHEEEEE SAID D TO E, F, G I'LL _BEAT YOU _TO THE TOP OF DA COCONUT TREE!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND CHERRY VANILLA FLAVORED, SHUT THE FIRETRUCK UP!"

Demetri then thought it mighty fit to walk by and talk about how the Volturi don't own a firetruck and all that jazz. Well, let me tell you, it was NOT mighty fit, nor cool. It was crapgayish and stupid, much like him.

"CHICKA CHICKA AWWWWW SNAPPPPP!" Greg ran in and threw his arms up. "STOP THE VIOLENCE!"

"I'll show you violence you mother-trucking jack-"

"VERBAL ABUSE!"

"Don't be like dat Rob, babyyyy!"

"Grego-frickin-ry, shut your mouth and go start a love cycle or whatever the frick you were talking about yesterday, BEFORE I EFFING MURDER YOU!"

Greg then started crying. "Don't start a hate cycle Robin! Hate is bad!"

I threw a biscuit at his head. "The LAST and FINAL and OFFICIAL and SKITTLE FLAVORED biscuit has LASTLY and FINALLY and OFFICIALLY been taken!"

"Actually it was thrown."

"I'll bury you with the cow!"

"I LOVED MY SPANISH COW! SOB, CRY, SOB!"

"I too quite loved that cow, dearest Gianna. I too quite loved that cow. Didn't we all love that cow in one way or another? May our beloved cow rest in a tranquil and peaceful peace."

"Demetri."

"Yesh, Robin?"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

"That was not an example of shutting up."

"Oh, sorry."

"So shut up."

"Okay."

"Now."

"I am."

"LIES!"

"Truths."

"FILTHY LIAR!"

"YOUR MUM!" And that was how I slapped Demetri and gingered off with Ally.

"Robin?"

"Yes, Alec?"

"Would you, umm..."

"FILTHY MIMER!"

OOOOOOOOOOOH SILENCE! Yeah BIF, I just mentally broke that silence. Hah, well, unfortunately there's still this real-world awkward silence... It's all weird and silent-like. I wish all the weird people in the castle could be all silent-like. But I'm getting off topic. Back to real-world awkward silence-nessy-ness-ness-nesssssssss...

"A-Ally... I didn't.. I..." Awkward silence. "I didn't mean it like that. I know, or at least desperately hope, you are not a mimer. Mimers are scary, scary people with mental health issues." More awkward silence. "...Uhm..." I no likey this silence... "Uhm, uh... Who pressed the mute button?" Silence-y silent-nessy silent silence. "FOR THE LOVE ALL THINGS GOOD AND CHERRY VANILLA FLAVORED, PLEASE TALK ALEC!" And he just stands there. Silent. And quiet. And silent some more. All mute and stuff.


End file.
